I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

"Never Alone" by the fabulous Kelly Rae Roberts

Two weeks ago was a pretty momentous week in my life.  Our little boy turned two years old (I still can't believe he's two!) and three days later we welcomed our daughter into the world.  Celebrating these two events has brought back so many memories of my son's birth two years ago and it's caused me to reflect on life as a mama quite a bit.

When our son was born, our life was in serious hectic mode.  I had so many different things going on and adding a baby to the mix was so hard.  I'm talking H.A.R.D.  There's no doubt that all of the "things" were 99% of the cause of my anxiety.  What type of "things"? .... oh, just small little projects like: finishing up a nine month remodel (knowing we were moving only three months later- something we decided when I was seven months pregnant); a complete landscaping job needing to be done by Aaron before we moved (I'm talking starting with just dirt); finishing up my last semester teaching online college classes (four English courses complete with more essays to grade than I'd ever seen before in my life); a way too long recovery from my C-section (most likely due to my back injury); and oh yeah, packing up everything we had just unpacked from storage.  Oy.... it gives me a headache just typing all of that!

My point is that adjusting to life with a baby was a very difficult thing for me.  And I kept thinking to myself, "Why didn't anyone tell me it was going to be this hard?".  The truth was that many people told me that.  Yup.  Friends and strangers alike.  But I don't think you can understand motherhood until you're there.  In the middle of the night... no sleep... no shower... with a crying baby... with so many questions and worries... no one can really tell you what that's like.  And I don't think they should anyway- haha!  Let new mamas enjoy their pregnancy, right? :)

But I think the real reason that no one sits you down and gives you the nitty gritty details is because the positives of being a mom faaaaarrr outweigh the difficulties, and make the memory of those difficult nights fade in comparison.  So here's my list of all of the amazing parts of motherhood that no one told me about either.  These are the things that make the hard days completely worth it!!!

- No one told me that even in the middle of the night, no sleep, no shower, with a crying baby... the amount of love that is overflowing in your heart for this little person is truly beyond anything you've felt before.

- No one told me that the pitter patter of a 2 year old's feet running down the hallway in the morning would bring a smile to your face... every single day.

- No one told me that changing poopy diapers wouldn't feel like a chore, but more like something you've been doing your whole life.

- No one told me that every single milestone would be cause for celebration, for pictures, for videos and for a 20 minute conversation with everyone you talk to that day because you're just that proud.

- No one told me that even on my worst days (pain wise), I'd still rather have my kids here with me than send them off to a babysitter.

- No one told me that I'd fall in love with my husband over and over again every day just by watching him being the most incredible father.

- No one told me that the only better thing than having one child is having two.

So, on this beautiful Friday morning, I'm thanking God for the amazing gift of motherhood- and for teaching me that sometimes the biggest blessings of life require the most work.  And I'm more than ok with that :).

Bravery

Celebrating all those people who stand up for what's right while loving the socks off people: a rare and beautiful combination, but such a sight to behold!

It's All in the Timing

Wouldn't you agree that two weeks from the due date of our little girl (a little girl- eeeeee!!!!!) is a puurrrrrrfect time to renew my dedication to my art business?  Yeah, probably not- yet here I am!  Is it possible for nesting to take over all areas of your life?  The list of things I'd like to accomplish before the baby comes is laughable at best and just plain silly at it's worst.  Ans still, here I am, blogging!  Gotta keep first things first, right? :)  So, with the baby coming, and with our son turning two this week and with my pregnancy and my back issues giving me some serious grief....... and, and, and......... I will apologize ahead of time if it's another 6 months before you hear a peep outta me!  In the meantime, I hope you have a fabulous weekend!

Ten Minutes at a Time

Waaaaaaayy back before I hurt my back and had kids (I mean, we're talking four whole years here people! Ha...), I was a busy little stay at home wife who couldn't figure out how to fit making art into her daily schedule.  Even writing that sentence makes me laugh now!  What I wouldn't give for that kind of busy again!  I was super excited when a favorite magazine (I'm thinking it was Cloth, Paper, Scissors), came out with an article about how artists manage to make art while taking care of families and/or working full time.  The one particular tip I remember was from a stay-at-home mama of school age children.  She would pick one day a week to be her "painting day".  She let herself let go of the laundry, ironing, and daily cleaning needs and her family was aware that the kitchen/dining room would undoubtedly be packed with painting supplies and canvases when they returned home from work or school.  Because she was still a mama, she would start by making a casserole in the morning or throwing something in the crock pot so that by the time dinner rolled around, there was something ready.  Great idea.  This left her the rest of the day to paint her heart out.  She painted primarily smaller canvases, so she would focus on painting the backgrounds of as many canvases she could on this day.  That left her free to paint the top layers during the rest of the week without having to haul out all of her supplies.

Her system is one I'm sure I'll try one day when my kids are all in school (yeeeeeaaarrrrsss down the road considering one child is still in the womb!), but for now it doesn't quite fit my needs.  I would absolutely love a block of hours to be able to paint.  Oh, how I would love it, but I'm not in that place right now where it's possible and for a while I was trying to be ok with letting art go completely.  But then, a few months ago, I realized that creating is something that is so necessary for my soul's well being.  And I knew I had to find a way to make it part of my life again. If you've read through my blog, you know I deal with chronic back pain and my life literally revolves around completing the most basic tasks to keep our house running smoothly.  What I mean by that is I can go to the grocery store, take care of my amazing little toddler (who is turning 2- when did that happen!?!), cook, do laundry and pick up the house.  It's still quite a bit and can be really challenging for me some days, but I'm so grateful that I'm no longer bedridden.  But there are things that I can't do that I would love to.  Like..... going out to lunch with friends, taking in a movie with the hubs, or going to places like Ikea (yes, this makes it high onto my list :)), or being able to paint while my son is napping (I have to lay down to rest too).  I spend a lot of my time at home and while I adore taking care of my son (there's nothing I'd rather do!), I think it's also important to nurture my own soul by having a creative outlet.  I finally figured out that it doesn't have to be an "all or nothing" approach.

This leads me to my point of writing.... I am pretty sure I've mentioned this before on my blog, but it has become something I've taken more seriously the last few months.  In an attempt to find a way to make art, I have come up..... wait for it..... the ten minutes at a time method!  Haha..... before you start thinking the pregnancy has made me wacky (well.......), I must say that I do realize that I know that I'm not the only one in the history of the world who has discovered this.  I am quite sure there is a whole section in Barnes and Nobles called, "Ten Minutes at a Time".  And I'm also pretty sure that I've even read some of those materials :).  But what is most important here is that it finally sunk in that it's ok if I can only work ten minutes at a time on a painting.  Each session of ten minutes adds up and not only do I get to do something I love more often, but eventually, a finished piece of art will emerge! 

And that, ladies and gentleman, is how I was able to complete about four pieces in the last three months- I just can't express how exciting it has been to actually start and finish some paintings.  And!  I entered a few of them in a Juried Art and 2 were accepted!  Here is a sneak peak at one of the two titled, "Make Thy Petition Deep".

Yes, Yes, What She Said!!!

I came across this amazing post by Melody Ross a few weeks ago and have been wanting to share it since then.  Ever since I have been hurt (going on three and a half years now), I have been wanting to write something along the lines of what she has written because I've experienced unnecessary rudeness (I mean, is it ever necessary?) on days when I'm just barely holding it all together.  Many times things just aren't what they seem to be on the outside- whether someone is dealing with physical, emotional or spiritual pain, it is often invisible and hidden. I never, ever would have written this so beautifully, and I'm still in the middle of my trial, so the reflection looking back hasn't been able to happen for me.  If I could wear a sign (and I've often wanted to!) it would say, "Please be kind. I'm in pain and I'm doing the best I can. Thank you."  I'm glad I came across this post that says it all so perfectly.  Aren't the pictures in her post so poignant? 

One of Those Days

Have you ever had one of those days....

when you're super excited because you finally found some medicine to relieve the unbearable pain you've had for three years...
  
and you can actually do things outside of your house that don't include the grocery store or a doctor's office....

and you're super stoked because you finally can work on your art more than 10 minutes at a time...

and you might even get to catch up with old friends... and gasp! Even have coffee or lunch out?

and then just when you're feeling your best... BAM!  you get a bad stomach flu and end in the hospital for a week???  Yeah, well... I had a day just like that a couple of weeks ago.    

For some reason I don't look nearly as awful as I felt... and thankfully the IV is not in the picture!

I won't go into details because, well, trust me, you don't want me to, but the low down is that I got a bad stomach virus.  My body decided to purge every last ounce of fluid I had and within 5 hours, I was so dehydrated that my body went into shock.  After 12 hours in the ER (thank you very little Lodi Memorial Hospital), I was admitted (ADMITTED!!!) to the hospital because my body was completed depleted of every essential nutrient possible.  Crazy, crazy, crazy.  I ended up having to stay for five days!  It was super awesome.  Wait, no, it was the opposite of super awesome!  In addition to feeling like I might possible die at any minute, I was pretty ticked.  Seriously, can't a girl catch a break??!?!?  I am only now (like just today) able to semi-laugh about it because it has taken me this long (two whole weeks!) to start feeling ok again. 

Another reason I can joke about it is because at the end of all of this, we got to see a beautiful, amazing, strong and healthy little heartbeat of our new sweet baby!  He or she is due at the end of April and will be born just a week or so from Zeke's second birthday.  When I was in the hospital, the doctors told us not to be optimistic that the baby was going to make it.  It was a devastating and heartbreaking week because we had to wait about 5 days before the baby would be old enough for it's heartbeat to show up on the ultrasound.  We were so sure that we were going to get bad news that we both starting bawling when we saw that heartbeat on the ultrasound.  They put us back in the (very full) waiting room in between getting our ultrasound and seeing the doctor and people kept asking us if it was our first baby because we couldn't stop crying and looking at the little ultrasound picture.  If they only knew what a miracle this baby is!  So, the end of this post starts way better than it started!  I am officially eight weeks pregnant, I am recovering from the craziest bout of the stomach flu ever, and my pain level is manageable to this point.  I know the Lord works all things for good, and I still don't know all that He's working through all of this... but I feel blessed.  Truly.  And without further ado... I'd like to introduce you to our second child, one of God's recent miracles...

Meditation of the Day: True Freedom

From Mother Teresa:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

           

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

             

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

         

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

          

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.